Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Loving You Is As Natural As Breathing

You were you, 
      and I was I;
      we were two,
      before our time.
I was yours,
      before I knew;
      and you have always
      been mine too.
                      -Lang Leav

If you know me, you know that I like numbers. I'm pretty sure I always have. Today marks 8 years of marriage for Finn and me. That's a pretty big deal, for any couple I think. But, let's take a step back. You see, Finn and I both turn 32 this year. We have been together for 16 years. Yep, we've been together half of our lives. And half of our lives we've been married. Now, it gets even crazier. Half of the time we've been married, we've been parents, as we have a 4 year old. And to get even slightly crazier, half of the time we've been parents, we've been parents to two kids, as we have a two year old. 2 - 4 - 8 - 16 - 32. Suffice to say, that's a lot of halves. But, the most important half in this crazy number game is my other half - Finn.

In Greek mythology is is said that humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate beings, condemning them to spend their lives searching for their other halves.

There are so many different terms to describe different types of love: soul mates, other halves, kindred spirits, twin flames. I have no doubt that Finn is my eternal love. We met when we were 14 in our 8th grade publications class and I felt drawn to him, inexplicably so. We started dating when we were 16 after being in Mr. Raley's "History of Some Sort" class together. Sixteen is often the age where you date around a lot - changing partners nearly as often your clothes. You may spend a lot of time dating different people to learn what you like and don't like in a partner and are on the proverbial search for "the one" though you are not all that interested in 'settling down' any time soon. You tend to grow apart from your high school lusts and loves. You move on, you go to college, you make new friends, date new people, you live your life. Finn and I grew together; moving to Durango for college, neither has ever dated another person, we pursued our interests and passions independently yet always supporting and encouraging the other. We chose to take the important steps together, discussing the crucial life decisions that arose as a team. As we grew together, we became more a part of each other with every passing day. He is a part of my personality; deeply ingrained into the depths of me.

We often are told we are "so young" and "so in love" and "clearly in the newlywed stage." It's funny, and maybe people mean it in a flattering way, but honestly, it often comes off as condescending. As if these people are waiting and/or that they just know that the other shoe will drop and we'll find ourselves in a loveless marriage, divorced, unhappy, etc. It often makes me feel sad for those people who make these comments, because they have not - and may never - find the love that Finn and I have.

Let's be real - we haven't been without our challenges, personally and together. We will continue to have our struggles because, let's face it, we are humans. Regardless of what comes our way we've always made the choice to stick together, unwavering, never questioning. For it's not a choice. He's my everything.

About a year ago I had a Tibetan Mala Reading and the things Sarita told me were not surprising, yet at the same time, they were truly fascinating. She had told me I was one of the oldest souls she had ever met. She also told me that my partner loved me 100%, completely and totally without any doubt. These two things seem to go in line with the twin flame theory in which it is "described as the division of a single flame that was placed into two different souls. These two souls are then reincarnated over the course of several lifetimes gathering human experiences and learning—usually only coming together during one of their last lifetimes on Earth." Perhaps that's the case with us, but who knows.

What I do know is that Finn and I will travel the remainder of this lifetime together. Hand in hand, side by side. This is not a once in a lifetime love, it is a once in many lifetimes kind of love and one that I will hold on to every single day. For loving you, Finny, is as natural as breathing. I never have to think about it; it happens just as with every inhale and every exhale. I breathe you in and hold you close, for we are two yet always one.

And when one of them meets with his other half, the actual half of himself, the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy and one will not be out of the other's sight even for a moment. -Plato ~2,500 years ago